The Sacred Art of Taking Control: Why Your Spiritual Journey and Your Psychology Degree Are Actually Saying the Same Thing
How I learned to stop manifesting and start exercising actual agency
You know that moment when you're scrolling through Instagram and see another post about "surrendering to the universe" right next to someone's LinkedIn humble-brag about "taking charge of their destiny"? Yeah, me too. And if you're anything like me—someone with both a meditation app and a psychology grad degree—you've probably wondered why spirituality and psychology seem to be having completely different conversations about who's actually in control here.
Plot twist: They're not.
The Universe Isn't Your Personal Assistant (But You're Not Powerless Either)
Here's what I wish someone had told me years ago when I was oscillating between "manifest your dreams, queen!" energy and "actually, behavioral science shows that 90% of this is just cognitive bias" cynicism: Agency—real, psychological, measurable agency—might be the most spiritual thing you can cultivate.
Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology has spent decades researching what he calls "agency." His definition? It's the combination of three things: efficacy (believing you can accomplish specific goals), optimism (believing good things are possible in your future), and imagination (envisioning the range of what's achievable).
Sound familiar? Because if you strip away the Instagram-worthy language, that's basically what every spiritual tradition has been saying forever.
When Ancient Wisdom Meets Modern Research (And They Actually Agree)
The Stoics—those ancient Greek philosophers who were basically the original life coaches—talked about focusing on what's within your control and releasing what isn't. Buddhism teaches that suffering comes from attachment to outcomes we can't control while emphasizing our power to choose our responses. Even the Serenity Prayer is literally a framework for agency: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
The psychological research backs this up in ways that would make Marcus Aurelius proud. Studies show that people with higher agency—those who believe in their efficacy, maintain optimism about the future, and can imagine multiple pathways to their goals—have better mental health, stronger immune systems, and yes, even longer lifespans.
But here's where it gets interesting: Agency isn't about being in control of everything. It's about being in control of the right things.
The Difference Between Spiritual Bypassing and Spiritual Agency
Let's talk about what agency isn't in the spiritual context, because this is where things get messy on social media.
Spiritual bypassing disguised as agency looks like:
"I manifested this because I'm spiritually aligned" (translation: I'm taking credit for randomness)
"Everything happens for a reason" (translation: I'm avoiding the discomfort of uncertainty)
"Just trust the universe" when what you actually need is to make a decision
Actual spiritual agency looks like:
"I can't control outcomes, but I can show up fully to the process"
"I'm going to do my part and release attachment to how it unfolds"
"I have the power to choose my response to whatever happens"
The difference? One puts you in the passenger seat of your own life, hoping the universe has good GPS. The other puts you in the driver's seat with a destination in mind but flexibility about the route.
Your Inner GPS System: How Agency Actually Works
Think of agency like having a really good navigation system. Efficacy is knowing you can actually drive the car. Optimism is believing you'll get where you're going, even if you hit traffic. Imagination is being able to see multiple routes and adjust when your original path is blocked.
This isn't about positive thinking your way out of reality—it's about developing what psychologists call "flexible goal pursuit." You stay committed to your values and vision while remaining adaptive about methods.
In spiritual terms? It's the sweet spot between surrendering and striving.
The Neuroscience of Faith (Yes, Really)
Here's something that would blow the minds of people who think spirituality and science are opposites: Agency activates what researchers call the "hope circuit" in your brain—specifically, the ventromedial prefrontal cortex. This is the same area that lights up during meditation, prayer, and other spiritual practices.
When you cultivate agency, you're literally strengthening the neural pathways associated with persistence, resilience, and the belief that you can influence your future. You're building what ancient traditions might call faith, but doing it in a way that's measurable and replicable.
Practical Magic: Agency in Action
So, how do you actually develop this? Here's where the spiritual and psychological approaches converge into something beautifully practical:
For Efficacy (Your "I Can Do This" Muscle):
Start with small, consistent actions that build evidence of your capability
Practice mindfulness to stay present with your actual power in each moment
Notice when you're giving away your agency to circumstances, other people, or "the universe"
For Optimism (Your "Good Things Are Possible" Belief):
Cultivate gratitude not as toxic positivity, but as evidence-gathering for what's working
Reframe challenges as temporary and specific rather than permanent and global
Spend time visioning your future, but hold it lightly
For Imagination (Your "Multiple Pathways" Thinking):
Practice scenario planning: What are three different ways this could work out?
Engage with metaphor, visualization, and creative expression
Ask yourself regularly: "What else is possible here?"
When Spirit and Psyche Stop Fighting and Start Dancing
The most profound spiritual experiences I've had weren't about surrendering my agency—they were about aligning it with something larger than my ego's immediate wants. The most powerful psychological insights I've gained weren't about controlling outcomes—they were about owning my response to whatever showed up.
Agency, it turns out, is where the mystical and the practical meet. It's where ancient wisdom and modern research shake hands. It's the place where you can honor both your spiritual beliefs and your psychological well-being without having to choose sides.
Because maybe—just maybe—the universe wants you to be an active participant in your own life, not a passive recipient of whatever gets delivered to your door.
The Bottom Line (Or: What Your Therapist and Your Spirit Guides Might Actually Agree On)
Real agency isn't about forcing outcomes or pretending you're in control of everything. It's about showing up fully to your life with efficacy, optimism, and imagination while holding space for mystery, synchronicity, and grace.
It's about being both the author and the character in your story, knowing that while you can't control the plot twists, you absolutely get to choose how you respond to them.
And honestly? That might be the most spiritual—and psychological—truth of all.
What does agency look like in your life right now? Where are you giving away your power, and where might you be trying to control too much? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
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References
Seligman, M. (2020). Agency in Greco-Roman philosophy. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 16(1), 1-10.
Bandura, A. (1977). Self-efficacy: Toward a unifying theory of behavioral change. Psychological Review, 84(2), 191-215.
Fredrickson, B. L. (2001). The role of positive emotions in positive psychology: The broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions. American Psychologist, 56(3), 218-226.